A Space for Grief
*Content Note: This post gently explores topics of grief and death in relation to Craniosacral Therapy.
Opening My Doors
When I began Body Origins, I did not set out to specialise in anything in particular. Some BCST practitioners work intentionally with certain conditions or experiences such as pregnancy, working with children or chronic pain. As BCST practitioners in Hobart are few, I knew that I wanted to hold my doors open to anyone that might be seeking this kind of therapy.
While I have started to notice some recurring themes among the people that are drawn to working with me, many of the experiences I’m beginning to work with have come as a gentle surprise.
Over the last couple of months, grief and death have been walking their beautiful complex stories through my door more and more, and I have been witness to so many precious moments of unraveling, insight and release.
I did not set out to focus on this specifically, but I know I hold a lasting fascination and dedication to the liminal spaces of life— times of transiton, change and mystery. I feel at ease in the dark and do not fear it. I know there are powerful gifts of healing, strength and grace to be found there.
Grief and BCST
What does grief have to do with Craniosacral Therapy? I often describe what might happen in a session to people coming in for the first time and say this: anything that can happen in a body, can show up during a session. Whatever the body is living through at that moment usually makes itself known. A Craniosacral Therapy session is so much more than a diagnostic tool for symptom relief, it’s a holistic, integrated therapeutic process that offers time and space for the body to resolve any underlying experience it has had or is having. Attention is a profoundly underrated therapeutic tool for healing. I love this quote by Simone Weil which expresses the power of attention beautifully:
“Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer. It presupposes faith and love. Absolutely unmixed attention is prayer. If we turn our mind toward the good, it is impossible that little by little the whole soul will not be attracted thereto in spite of itself.”
Craniosacral Therapy uses this kind of absolute attention to bring the ‘whole soul’ (body/being—whatever words suit you) toward the good that is the innate flavour of our humanity—simply put, toward health and wholeness.
Grief in a body is not a lack of health, it is a powerful expression of health. When allowed space to grieve properly, we are transformed. Grief can bring us into ourselves like nothing else.
When grief has become trapped it can feel like a moment of shock frozen and superimposed onto the body’s physical tissue, held in the nervous system as an ongoing memory. BCST gives the body a moment of space to fully recognise the impact of this moment of loss, acknowledge it completely and let the aftershock slowly dissolve into the system.
In time, the nervous system actually has a chance to process the physical tension created by this emotional impact, and discharge it in a safe and measured way, without re-traumatising the body or needing to say anything at all. Sometimes, speaking our story is necessary too, and this can be a beautiful complement to the body-based work we do together. In time, the initial imprint is absorbed into the body. We don’t ask the body to ‘let go’ or ‘move on’, but to integrate the experience, and allow yourself to be remade into something and someone new.
We are forever changed by loss and grief, and so we help the body to usher in this new person we have become, and invite in the story of our grief to live within us now, though what we mourn for may be irrevocably gone from our lives.
A Note on Safety
My utmost priority in any session work is your safety, which I have spoken about in previous newsletters. Nothing we do is forced, rushed or manipulated. Your body is the guide, and we follow with complete presence and readiness to meet whatever might arise. When grief is ready to express itself, we hold it together, let tears or stories or shaking happen. When moments of silence and stillness are needed, we settle and wait.
There is no expectation within BCST for anything in particular to happen, and in fact much of the healing nature of this therapy is in its ability to be patient, to slow down the pace of our system, to listen and wait, and to ultimately trust in the mystery. The body absolutely loves this kind of space, and I witness people again and again filling into themselves, inhabiting their bodies more fully and feeling more alive.
Faces of Grief
Grief takes many forms and is not limited to the death of a beloved. Grief may be felt also and intensly in the passing of a pet, the end of a relationship or marriage, ongoing or sudden enstrangement from parents or children, extreme changes in life like the loss of a job or career, the loss of an old identity, moving or missing a home across the world.
Grief is complex, personal, essential and often deeply misunderstood. There are not many places where grief’s fullness is unashamedly welcome. I notice how quick people are to apologise when they start to cry, wipe their tears away before anyone notices or hurry to finish a story because they feel they have taken up too much space or talked for too long about something heavy. I want to welcome it.
Francis Weller, author of The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief, has this to say about grief and shame:
“Shame ruptures our connection with life and with our soul. It is, indeed, a sickness of the soul. When feelings of shame arise, we pull back from the world, avoiding contact that could cause or risk exposure. The last thing we want in times of excruciating self-consciousness is to be seen. We find ourselves avoiding the gaze of others, we become silent and withdrawn, all in hopes of slipping under the radar.
When our grief cannot be spoken, it falls into the shadow and re-arises in us as symptoms. So many of us are depressed, anxious, and lonely. We struggle with addictions and find ourselves moving at a breathless pace, trying to keep up with the machinery of culture.
We are designed to receive touch, to hear sounds and words entering our ears that soothe and comfort. We are shaped for closeness and for intimacy with our surroundings. Our profound feelings of lacking something are not reflection of personal failure, but the reflection of a society that has failed to offer us what we were designed to expect.”
Creating a Space
BCST offers such a unique space for this kind of recognition, what Francis Weller describes above as a natural expectation of our design. I am in service of creating the kind of space where you can expect to receive this kind of touch, the space to speak your grief and to feel the closeness and intimacy with yourself and your life that you long for. But first there must be trust, and a step that must be taken towards ones own vulnerability in being seen. This can take time and stories, tension and physical or emotional processing tend to unravel over the course of a few sessions or a dedicated treatment plan. In saying that, sometimes moments arise in a single session that are more powerful than we could anticipate. As one of my clients put it, “you have to let go and trust, and you will experience the power of human touch”.
Reach Out
If you’re currently experiencing grief, or feel there is unprocessed grief that lives within your body and you are looking for a space to express this and be held, please reach out. You and your story will be met with love and presence. If you feel curious about having a session but have some questions before booking, please get in touch by contacting me here. All sessions are private and confidential and conducted with utmost care within a professional therapeutic container to ensure safety in relationship.
